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The Facts Concerning the Recent Carnival of Crime

Mark Twain

200 ratings
The Facts Concerning the Recent Carnival of Crime | Mark Twain

The Facts Concerning the Recent Carnival of Crime

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ll over, but it seemed to subjugate me, too, for a moment. The pygmy contemplated me awhile with his weasel eyes, and then said, in a peculiarly sneering way:

"You turned a tramp away from your door this morning."

I said crustily:

"Perhaps I did, perhaps I didn't. How do you know?"

"Well, I know. It isn't any matter how I know."

"Very well. Suppose I did turn a tramp away from the door—what of it?"

"Oh, nothing; nothing in particular. Only you lied to him."

"I didn't! That is, I—"

"Yes, but you did; you lied to him."

I felt a guilty pang—in truth, I had felt it forty times before that tramp had traveled a block from my door—but still I resolved to make a show of feeling slandered; so I said:

"This is a baseless impertinence. I said to the tramp—"

"There—wait. You were about to lie again. I know what you said to him. You said the cook was gone down-town and there was nothing left from breakfast. Two lies. You knew the cook was behind the door, and plenty of provisions behind her."

This astonishing accuracy silenced me; and it filled me with wondering speculations, too, as to how this cub could have got his information. Of course he could have culled the conversation from the tramp, but by what sort of magic had he contrived to find out about the concealed cook? Now the dwarf spoke again:

"It was rather pitiful, rather small, in you to refuse to read that poor young woman's manuscript the other day, and give her an opinion as to its literary value; and she had come so far, too, and so hopefully. Now wasn't it?"

I felt like a cur! And I had felt so every time the thing had recurred to my mind, I may as well confess. I flushed hotly and said:

"Look here, have you nothing better to do than prowl around prying into other people's business? Did

Majenta 05/26/2024
"But I am not an ass; I am only the saddle of an ass."
Eleanor 12/28/2022
This book was one of the funnier looks at what could happen if a person had no conscience and no sense of self-accountability. It was a book of dark humor that put a wicked grin on my face as I listened. However, there was no suggestion of dealing with accountability to others - of having the police
Gr1972 10/18/2021
4.5 out of 5
M.M. Strawberry 08/18/2021
Damn, but now that's an excellent work of dark humor. A man explains that the recent local wave of crime is because he had struggled with - and finally murdered - his conscience.

Kinda like a more grown-up, humorous, and fucked-up version of Pinocchio.
Steph 12/13/2020
The introductory paragraphs of the book about his aunt made no sense at all - that is, until you get to the end. I was surprisingly pleased with the direction the story took.

Sardonic and somewhat dark, it was a refreshing read on the relationship of humans and their conscience.
Josiah 02/04/2020
A man wonders why he always feels bad for immoral acts that he commits and so comes to see that this is due to his conscience. At some point his conscience materializes in some fashion and he decides to kill it for making him feel bad. Without his conscience, the man runs wild through Connecticut, m
Onyango 12/24/2013
Interesting read
Court 07/25/2008
Fenimore Cooper's Literary Offenses is one of the best didactic hatchet jobs I've come across.

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